One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
