Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
