Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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