Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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