who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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