Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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