why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
