We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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