I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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