It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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