so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
