I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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