She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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