1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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