we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize