Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
