You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
