remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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