That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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