So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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