If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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