sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
