when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
