HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
