i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
