she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
