Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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