The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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