If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize