also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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