Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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