i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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