I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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