Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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