But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it because I queefed?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
