i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
