I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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