So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
