I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
