All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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