tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
