Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
