Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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