I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
