Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize