a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
