You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Bring me that man meat
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
