I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
