So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
