Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
