White coat. Heels.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
