So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
