our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
