i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
