i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We left the knife in your bed.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When did angry sex become our thing?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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