before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
