If that was your dad, he is hot
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
