yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
