Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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