why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize