See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
