i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
my liver is dry heaving
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
