just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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