YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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