brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
