I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
