I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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