Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
