i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
