just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
tell me about the fingering
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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