Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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