then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
