And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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