I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
