Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
