If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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