Christians are straight up FREAKS
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
