I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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