The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
