dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
