So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
