I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
