I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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