How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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