What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
