my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
