we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
