Kiss
Puke
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
