The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
