ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
worst night to have a conscience
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
