Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Everyone says I win the strip club
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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