You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize