3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
