He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize