I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
