What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
