sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
