Did you just see the Batmobile???
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
